Discipline without yelling: The smart and healthy way

Discipline without yelling
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The science of yelling

Discipline can be overwhelming for a lot of parents. A lot of the time, Parents feel that the only way to get their children’s attention is to yell, however, studies have shown that yelling only makes behaviour worse and there are more effective ways to get your child to calm and do exactly what you want them to do and you won’t need to yell at all.

Responding to your child’s tantrum with tantrum or yelling with your own yelling only leads to a cycle of bad behaviour which you need to break out from. At the beginning, it will be hard, but resist the urge to yell or show frustration over your child’s behavior and handle it with calmness.

Here are reasons why you need to stop yelling

  1. Yelling doesn't make the bad behaviour stop.
  2. More often than not, yelling will encourage behaviors that you don’t want.
  3. Yelling is never the same as Discipline, if anything, it doesn't communicate any positive message.
  4. Responding to your children’s behaviour by raising your own voice, acting out and being angry only portrays to your children that that kind of behaviour is acceptable and the right way to respond in similar situations.

A lot of the time, younger children don’t know how to handle their emotions which influences their acting out and misbehavior, but they can learn. Here is what you need to know about effective discipline and helping your children manage their emotions in a difficult situation.

Discipline can be overwhelming but yelling is not discipline.

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Understand the why?

Angry emotion is often a mask both for adults and also for children. Getting to know the root cause in order to address that will lead to a more lasting solution than dealing with the symptoms of anger. A good place to start is asking your child what the matter is and why they are acting out. Yelling however may get your child to stop misbehaving in the short term but in the long term, you haven't achieved any positive parenting, instead, that child has learnt how to be silent or silenced, that child has also not learnt how to manage his or her emotions and that child’s confidence and self-esteem is at great risk. Among every other things, one of the the goal of every parent is to raise a happy positive child and that cannot be attained in an environment of yelling, frustration and anger.

How to handle misbehavior or angry emotion

Before you react, stop and pause. Access the situation and ask yourself if there is anything you need to consider in the environment that could be making your child act in that certain way.

Ask them gently no matter the way your child is acting. The goal is to reinforce a positive behaviour, therefore you shouldn't make the matter more complicated by adding your frustration to it.

Help your child calm down afterwards, discuss the situation again and come up with lessons and solutions to the problem that can be practiced next time.

For older children, help them understand that every action has a consequence. Establish the rules from the very beginning and make it clear. If you intend to enforce the consequence, make it known and follow through. If you don’t intend to enforce the consequence, make it known and express your compassion and understanding of the situation.

Never compensate your child’s misbehavior or excuse it because he or she is a child, you’ll only reinforce a behaviour you won’t be able to deal with.

Never compare your child to anyone else, not in their presence nor their absence, you will only erode your child’s self confidence and trust.

Love your child regardless of the behaviour they express.

Effective Discipline rules

  1. Allow your child express their emotion by listening and resist the urge to shut them up.
  2. Respond calmly and also try to calm your child.
  3. Explain what your expectations are at every point. Repeat it if you have to again and again.
  4. Take note of good behaviour and praise them for it personally and in front of their siblings or friends.
  5. Finally, maintain your own peace and emotional well-being so that you are certain you are not expressing any transferred aggression.


Always remember, the goal of discipline is to correct misbehaviors, reinforce positive behaviour and communicate your love because at the very foundation of every parental action is love.